Moving Abroad With Kids
TO DO LIST:
✅ Prepare Our Kids For An International Move
✅ Make Something That Sort Of Resembles A Family Game Plan
Oliver Wendell Holmes said “A mind that is stretched by new experiences can never go back to its old dimensions”, and I know two very lovely little minds that are about to be gloriously stretched. I can only hope mine will be stretched right along side theirs.
If this move were to have happened in parallel universe where my husband and I did not yet have kids, I would have very few, if any, move related anxieties. In my experience things tend to either work themselves out, or they don’t - and if they don’t, I have no issue changing plans. It wouldn’t be a stretch to say that we’re fairly laid back, adaptable, go-with-the-flow individuals.
This move is not happening in a parallel universe though. It’s happening in this one, where my two super spunky, sensitive, wildly curious children exist. Being too blasè would be doing my kids a disservice. So instead, I am researching and planning and trying to make Plan A, Plan B, Plan C, and Plan D,E, & F (just in case), because even though we are being swept in an unpredictable current that’s mostly out of my control I still want o make sure we are doing as much as we can to help them transition as happily and in as healthy of a way as possible . Because ya know what children need? Structure…allegedly (/s).
One of the biggest challenges for me as an impulsive and innately unstructured human being is providing structure for my kids, but I work at it daily and I am improving. I think. In all seriousness though - as much as I joke about it, I do know that they thrive off of structure. My kids have made that very evident. We find that they have a much more difficult time with emotional regulation and mood when we have days that are too loosely planned. Structure, as we utilize it, doesn’t mean a lack of spontaneity or independence at all. It does, however, mean that I am responsible for providing safe boundaries for them to grow in. As such, I need to have some semblance of a game plan for what happens in our kids daily lives when we get to Italy.
Silver Lining:
“we will be in a place that has thousands of years of history to explore, astonishing amounts of readily accessible art, amazing culture, and breathtaking natural topography”
Our situation is such that we are moving into a temporary location when we first arrive to Italy. It would take much to long to apply for citizenship in an Italian city so we need to be in a smaller comune at first. We don’t know how long it will take for us to be recognized. It’s kind of the nature of the beast here that we have to be comfortable with not having a firm schedule that we can rely on. Or really… any schedule at all. I am a spontaneous, impulsive person and even I am a bit uncomfortable with the exceedingly high amounts of “it will be what it will be” that is involved here. Because of this lack of structure, it doesn’t make sense for us to find an asilo and enroll the girls and have them transition into it just to potentially transition them back out three to six months later when (if) we move to a bigger city. It just makes the most sense financially, logistically, and emotionally for them to be home with me- at least initially. Luckily, we have a cost savings from moving and taking the girls out of daycare that will make it possible for me to do this. Side note: the cost of american child care is ridiculous.
While I am thrilled to do it - it is a wee bit of double-edged sword. It goes without saying that I love my kids (obviously), they are hysterical, fun, and sweet, but staying at home full time is a daunting proposition. I value having time to decompress without all the stimulation that is part-and-parcel to two young (and thus demanding), strong-willed, high-energy kids. I myself have trouble with overly stimulating situations and I can not think of a situation that has more potential to be overwhelming than to be “on” 24-7 with two kids under the age of five in a new country without family nearby.
My oldest is turning 5 which means that this is truly going to need to be a home-school type of situation. On top of that, I need to help them learn a language that I myself am not fluent in. Also, did I mention that providing structure doesn’t come naturally to me so it is a bit of an energy suck creating and maintaining it. Not to be too dramatic, but do you see what I’m trying to say here? I love that I’ll get so much time with them, its going to be an amazing opportunity for all of us, but it’s going to be HARD. Molto difficile, no?
The blindly bright silver lining to them being home constantly is that we will be in a place that has thousands of years of history to explore, astonishing amounts of readily accessible art, amazing culture, and breathtaking natural topography. If ever there was an ideal place for abundant learning and exploration opportunities for family it would be Northern Italy.
“If ever there was an ideal place for abundant learning and exploration opportunities for family it would be Northern Italy.”
In the time leading up to the move I have been trying to prepare them as much as I can for a transition that, to them, probably feels like a very abstract concept. I know objectively that an international, trans-continental move is something they won’t comprehend until they experience it, but we are preparing as best we can. For us that looks like; reading books about moving and Italy, playing italian language games (GusGoes FTW), watching shows and youtube videos, and just trying to keep as much positive and open dialogue regarding the forthcoming changes as possible. My biggest concern at the moment is making sure that they don’t feel like they are blindsided or like they’re facing with an unexpected situation. I’m adopting the frame that this is a huge family adventure that we are taking together and that we will have so many new and fascinating things to see, and learn,and experience, and (IMO most importantly) taste - because at the end of the day this truly is what this is and that is my honest feeling about it. I know there will be tough moments, that’s a guarantee, but I’m incredibly excited to see them soak up the experiences and grow from them.
Wish us luck! Ciao!
